Chapter 95

The office was quieter than normal, with the only sounds disturbing the silence being the odd shuffling of paper and the faint buzz of computers. I reclined in my chair and looked at the spreadsheet before me, the numbers blending into a hazy blur.

My chest ached from the weight of my deception, a knot of shame that had taken hold and would not go away. In order to gain time and protect myself, I had told myself that giving Richards bits of irrelevant information would keep him at bay. It felt like a noose closing around my neck now, though.

I felt fear instead of relief because the sting operation had failed. But what if Richards returned and wanted more? What if Ethan discovered?

I was shocked out of my reverie by a voice I recognized.

"Ben, you seem out of it today."

With a start, I turned to discover Ethan standing at the doorway, looking at me. Even though he had a file in his hand, I could tell by his tone and posture that this was no everyday visit.

I made an effort to grin. "Long night. Too much coffee and insufficient sleep."

Ethan shut the door behind him and entered. "Working long nights is a condition. However," he pointed to the mess on my desk, "this isn't like you."

My hands became instantly wet as I swallowed forcefully. "Really, I'm all right. I simply have a lot on my plate."

Ethan's eyes narrowed, and it was clear that something wasn't right. Placing the file on my desk, he crossed his arms and leaned against the edge.

He stated clearly, "You've been distracted for weeks. Additionally, I'm now noticing holes in our operations. Numbers that don't match, deals that don't add up. What is happening?"

My throat became dry. "Gaps? Which holes exist? Everything has been handled by me in the same way as usual."

Ethan cocked his head, examining me as if I were a conundrum he had to answer. "Ben, don't tell me lies. I know you better than that. Everything is being affected by something that's gnawing at you. If something is wrong, you need to let me know."

With my secret weighing heavily on me, I paused. One of the few things I had always prized was Ethan's trust, which I was about to breach.

"Ethan, I-" I paused and breathed deeply. "I've communicated with Richards."

His body tensed, and his face darkened instantly. "What?"

Quickly, I raised my hands defensively and shouted, "Look, it's not what you think. Months ago, he came to me in an attempt to get information. I only gave him enough to keep him off my back, nothing more."

Ethan's voice was dangerously low as his jaw clenched. "You've been feeding the FBI, are you telling me? Behind my back?"

With a loud scrape of my chair against the floor, I got up. "I had no other choice! Ethan, he trapped me. He was aware of things I couldn't explain. He would have followed us all more vigorously if I had refused."

Ethan stepped forward, anger flaring in his eyes. "So, you chose to deal with it on your own rather than approach me? How risky was it, do you know? How much harm could you have done?"

I looked him in the eye, my own anger rising to the surface. "I wanted to keep you safe! Keep us safe! I reasoned that he would retire if I gave him just enough. And it was effective for a while."

"Unless it didn't," Ethan yelled. "With someone like Richards, you don't deal. When you're no longer helpful, he'll discard you after bleeding you dry."

"Now I understand that!" I shot back, raising my voice. "However, I didn't see any other choice at the moment. And I knew you would answer this way, so I kept it a secret!"

Ethan shook his head, sadness and rage mixed together on his face. "Ben, you should have trusted me. We've suffered too much for this kind of treachery."

I averted my look as my stomach twisted with shame. "I thought you wouldn't get it."

"You get it?" Ethan gave a sour laugh. "Do you really believe that I have no idea what it's like to feel surrounded? To make choices that aren't possible? However, concealing secrets from one another is not how we bear this."

The room was quiet for a while, stress in the air. Ethan finally let out a big breath and combed through his hair.

"Do I need to know anything else?" His voice was lower but no less serious as he asked.

I turned my head away. "No. That's it, I promise. I'm done with him, too. I told Richards that this would be the final time."

Ethan stared into my eyes, looking for any hint of dishonesty. "Ben, it had better be. Because if I find out you're still speaking with him..." The implied threat lingered in the air even though he did not finish the phrase.

I acted as though I was paying attention to the job at hand, but my thoughts were elsewhere. Ethan's words kept repeating in my memory, serving as a continual reminder of how grave my error had been.

The workplace was almost deserted when I finally shut down my laptop and made my way to the door. As I walked to the elevator, the only sound in the quiet halls was the slight hum of fluorescent lights.

The burden of the day weighed heavy on me as I fell onto the couch at home. I was so concerned with the mess I'd made that I hardly noticed the television's faint illumination playing across the room.

I was jolted out of my trance by a jarring knock on the door. As I stood there, the sound reverberated menacingly around the quiet flat, and my heart sank.

Richards was standing there with an enigmatic look when I opened the door.

Before I could react, he remarked, "We need to talk," and went inside.