Chapter 34

After Arden and Xavier drop me at the door of my room, I toss and turn in my bed all night. I'm exhausted, but stare up at the ceiling, much too wired to sleep. I'm so jittery that I eventually move to the bath, hoping that the heat will relax my muscles enough to lull me off to sleep.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror as the tub filled, I look as frazzled as I feel, my eyes feverish, pale cheeks flushed. Stripping off my dirt streaked night gown, I can't help but think about how that dirt got there. It's like my mind can't stop from going to that moment again and again. Firmly pressed into Damion's marble hard chest, both of our heartbeats racing in unison like they were entwined in some frenzied dance.

*Get it together, Lily.*

With the tub close to full, I sink into the steaming water and let the heat drag me under. Grabbing one of the bottles of luxurious soaps lining the wall of the tub at random, I begin scrubbing the dirt from my feet and legs. If only I could scrub away the memories of how they got there just as easily.

It's not as if I haven't kissed someone before. Done more than kiss, even. When I was younger, and a bit more daring, I'd gotten caught up with one of the stable hands. Troy. He had been the first person I'd met who didn't look at me like I was carrying the plague. I'd taken his kindness and ran with it. Because when you don't have much experience with warmth, it's easy to mistake a brisk day for what you think is a midsummer afternoon. I'd taken his kindness for something it wasn't.

My time with Troy hadn't lasted long. Once my father had caught wind of what was happening between us, he'd shipped him across the kingdom over the course of a single night. For my own good, he'd said. It had stung at the time, even though things could have never gone any further between the two of us, and I'd known that.

*What had happened tonight, though*

That wasn't a kiss, it was something else entirely. Something so consuming, and entirely new to me that it deserved to be called something else-deserved to have its own name. A branding of tongue and lips and teeth. Just thinking about it has my thighs clenching together heat rising to my cheeks again.

I've never felt something like this for another person and I don't know what to do about it. Don't know what to make of it. I can't do anything about it, can I? There's no way that I can act on the irrational feelings I'm having for a man that had me kidnapped and held hostage in his underground prison cells for days on end. It would be madnesswouldn't it? If only I could get my body on the same page as my brain.

I finish bathing, rinsing myself clean. Wrapped in a soft towel, I go searching for a clean night dress, and resign myself to the fact that I'm not going to get any more sleep tonight.

I must have nodded off sometime in the early hours of the morning because I groggily open my eyes to a fully-risen sun shining through the window. The book I had been reading is still clutched to my chest. Someone is knocking at the bedroom door and as it creaks open, Mitra steps in with her usual sure-footed shuffle, a tray of food in her hands.

I thank her as best as I can, but my brain is too foggy with exhaustion to remember how to say as much in the hand language I've been learning from the book I borrowed from the library. She sets the tray down on the bed for me, making a quiet tsking noise under her breath at seeing my haggard state.

I barely manage to keep myself to keep from flinching back in surprise when she presses the back of her cool palm against my forehead in a familiar gesture.

"I don't think I have a fever," I say, my voice coming out as a tired croak, and I hurriedly clear my dry throat, "Just overtired."

She shoots me a look that's doesn't need words to explain, her skepticism rolling off of her in waves. Her expression has me chuckling under my breath, "I'm fine, really."

She waves me off with a hand, tittering around the room like a mother hen . I watch her dust the already spotless bookshelves before shuffling over to the armoire to reorganize the clothes in the closet before running off to go and get a tray of steaming ginger tea for me. I obediently drink it down, even though it strong enough that it burns my throat while Mitra watches over me like a hawk.

Whatever's in the ginger tea works a little, because while I'm still exhausted, I feel like I've perked up a little by the time that Xavier and Arden come by. They barge through the door without knocking.

"What are you doing still in bed?" Xavier demands in his usual stern voice, looking over me critically, "You weren't still sleeping, were you?"

"Time to get going, Princess," Arden pulls open the shutters to let in more sunshine, "we've got places to be."

"Really?" I can't hide the excitement I feel from bleeding into my voice, and begin shimmying out of the bed, "Where are we going?"

"The library needs help getting the books re-shelved after the storm last night and we got assigned to book duty," Arden tells me, "We thought that since you have a thing for books you might want to come along."

Helping out in the library sounds like just what I need today. After the way I tossed and turned in bed all night, I need a distraction. Something to keep me from going around in the same mental circles as I've been doing.

"Let me get dressed really quick," I start to say, until I catch sight of Mitra's stern expression, "I'm only going to the library. I'll won't overwork myself, I promise." I say to the older woman, giving her my most winning smile.

She huffs, but turns back to the armoire to tug out a dress in a sunny shade of yellow and gestures to the two guards to step outside so she can help me dress. I don't bother trying to argue with her, just let her help me slip the dress on before settling me in a low chair to comb through my hair. She twists it into a smooth braid and clips it back with gemstone embedded hair clasps.

With one last stringent expression from Mitra, I send as reassuring a smile as I can, my chest warming with her concern.

"I'll come back if I get tired," I promise her again.

She simply waves me off and I hurry to the door where my guards are waiting.