Chapter 145

Julian

I woke up first. The dim light trailing through the gap in the drapes to fall on our faces. It was the light that had woken me up. And if I wasn't careful it would wake her up as well.

Sifting Cassie from my place resting against my shoulder, I settled her carefully back down. My thumb smoothing across her soft cheek.

I felt closer to her than ever before. Talking last night, without any other motive but to try and understand her , had done something to our dynamic.

What we had between us wasn't just physical. That had always been there. Mixed in with the fact that we felt we hated each other.

No, that wasn't right. I had never hated Cassie. I had just got mixed up with what I was feeling. The spell, or whatever had been put on us had jumbled up our feelings until I thought it was hate.

How could I hate something so perfect for me? Cassie was strong, a warrior and a healer.  She was far to good for me and we both knew it.

I had been nothing but monsterous to her from the time we first met again as adults. I had treated her abhorrently. Taking my pleasure from her and losing myself in her softness one second and the next taking my anger out on her the next. Even now when I knew who she was because I felt it in the tightening of my chest every time she was out of sight I had still taken something from her. Our children.

She had been the one to bring my boys into the world. She had given birth  in not ideal circumstances and then fed and kept them safe for  months.

And what had I done?

I had sent them away.

Yes it was to protect them and I knew Cassie knew that deep down but the pain it had caused her had been immense.

And yet she had forgiven me anyway. I didn't know if that made her a fool or amazing. I wouldn't have forgiven her if she had done that without talking to me first.

But then I wasn't a good person like she was.

Lost in thought, I didn't notice that her eyes had fluttered open.

Glancing down at her face, our eyes locked.

"Good morning." She said softly and my fingers slowed on her cheek. Cupping it instead. Reaching down I pressed my lips to hers.

"Good morning." Pulling away slightly, I smiled. "How are you feeling?"

Cassie's eyes darted around for a second, almost like she was taking stock of her body and then she gave a small shrug. "Like I've been crying all night." She said finally.

"Well-" I began to say because there had been a lot of tears last night.

"But I feel lighter." She smiled back up at me and my heart lurched.

Last night, after the death of the young mother on her table I had thought I had lost her. Even after we had talked for hours , I could still see the distance in her eyes. It was still there a little bit but life was back in her eyes. She no longer looked like a broken dead eyed doll.

It filled me with hope to see her eyes shining again.

"I'm sorry about last night." Cassie's voice dropped to a whisper. "I didn't mean to get hysterical."

Using both hands I cupped her cheeks in my hands and drew our mouths together. "After everything you have gone through I think you held it together remarkably well." I meant it as a compliment but her eyes shifted away.

"I didn't. I'm a doctor. That's what I do. I heal and help people and I couldn't help that woman and her baby. I let my own feelings of loss interfere with what I knew I needed to do."

Cassie moved from beneath my hands and instantly I reached for her again. I didn't like the way she was talking. Mostly because it felt like she was moving away from me again.

I needed her to know that she wasn't alone and that we would get through this together.

Easily she slipped from under my hands and stood up. Stretching her arms above her head. The sight of her body bathed in the early morning light made my heart beat hard against my chest. My body thrummed with the need to be close to her.

"Where are you going?" Easily I snagged her wrist as she tried to walk away. I wrapped my arms around her knees. Pressing my face into her thighs. "I thought we could stay here and talk some more."

"We can-" she untangled herself. "Later. Right now we both have jobs to do." Her eyes bored down on mine.

There was so much strength in them.

Goddess she was so much stronger than me.

"I think my only job right now is to be with you." I said softly.

"We can't sit around Julian." She said firmly. "There is so much to do."

"I don't like the idea of you treating the packs sick and wounded Cassie. You're my queen. Slaving away for people-"

Bending down she silenced me with her lips. Taking my breath away. "Serving the people is exactly my job as queen. I'm a doctor before anything else. It's what I live for. And anyway," her eyes skirted away. "I need to speak to Scarlett about some things. We should get showered and ready for the day. I don't want to waste any time."

My cock throbbed at the idea of showering with her. Of having her wet and soapy body pressed against mine as the hot water poured down on us.

"And you have things to do as well Julian." She reminded me and any thought of eating her out in the shower evaporated when I looked into her face.

"Do I?"

She rolled her pretty eyes at me. "Yes." She said simply. "You need to figure out how you are going to regain your crown and your kingdom."

146

Cassie

I could still taste Julian's lips on me from the kiss he had given me before departing to go and look for goddess knew who. He had been talking about a war council the entire walk down the hill but honestly I had barely been listening.

What did I know about war? What did I ever want to know? I had seen more than enough death to last me a lifetime but I knew that there was plenty more to come. There had to be. No one ever defeated a dictator by being nice. Julian would have to be ruthless and I would see the casualties on my operating table. Some I would be able to save and some , like the woman last night I wouldn't.

I might not like it but it was my reality now.

Taking a deep breath I steadied myself before pushing open the door to the infirmary. The first thing I noticed was the smell of blood and sweat. It didn't smell like a hospital which always smelt sterile. I missed that. The cleanliness of it.

"Good morning your highness." A young man with flaming red hair stepped forward. "I didn't expect to see you today."

I wanted to scream at him not to use that word around me. I wasn't your highness I was just Cassie. If he wanted to give me a title then doctor would do. It was a title I was more comfortable with.

"Where is everyone?"

His eyes shifted around and a line appeared between his eyebrows. Marring his perfectly smooth face.

"I don't actually know your highness. There's a few healers here but I haven't seen alpha Scarlett since last night when she asked me to stand guard." Turning to me with a rueful smile, he looked directly into my eyes, realised what he had done and quickly looked away again.

I sighed. "You can look at me you know. I'm not the goddess. I am just-"

"A queen?" He added quietly and I laughed before I could help it.

"A doctor. I'm just as uncomfortable as you are with the queen title." Reaching out I patted his forearm. It wasn't muscled. It was the arm of a boy not a man.

"I've just never been around royalty-"

I shook my head, my eyes sparking in anger. "I'm just a doctor. You can call me Cassie."

Panic settled over his young features. "I couldn't."

Shaking my head I moved around him to check on the neatest patient who was sleeping peacefully. Everyone was sleeping or laying awake quietly. Everything seemed to be in order.

There was nothing pressing for me to do here. Sighing I turned back to him. "Call me doctor then. And what is your name?"

For a second he looked shocked that I would ask him and then his face broke into a wide smile. "Kip, your-" his lips twisted. "My name is Kip Doctor Cassie." Pursing his lips he blew out a breath. "Goddess it feels strange calling you that. My Ma would have my fur if she ever heard me calling a queen by first name." He muttered.

Laughing I threw my head back. "How old are you Kip?"

His laughter which had bubbled up with mine died down and a shadow fell across his face. "I am old enough. I can fight better than-"

Again I touched his arm. "I was not saying you are a child." Although he looked like one ,I added silently. "You look more than capable of doing the job your alpha has given you."

Alpha Scarlett had a nice ring to it. And I was glad her pack had given her that title. Most women, even ones who had more alpha powers than their mates were never given it. They were lunas.

Maybe this was the start of something new. It was about time that the wolves stepped into the present, instead of living in the past.

Centuries we had lived like that. Maybe when Julian took his crown back things could be different. They needed to be.

"Do you know where Scarlett is?"

"I think she is at the burial place. It's the alphas job to be there. She will need to speak." He muttered and the tone of his voice told me I should know this.

Truth was I wasn't familiar with many country wolf customs at all. I had grown up in the city. Gone to school and college and later university with a mixture of shifter and humans.

Really I acted more human than shifter. I hadn't grown up in a small pack that had been an extended family. I had grown up separate.

"Can you tell me where that is. I would like to show my respect and-"

He shook his head. "You will never find it alone Doctor. It's one of our sacred places."

"Would I not be welcome?"

"Of course you would be welcome." He added quickly. "It's just - I'll see if someone can take you." He looked around wildly like he half expected to materialise out of the air in front of us.

"Can't you take me?"

"Me?" He sounded shocked.

I smiled indulgently. "Unless you think you are needed here?" I glanced around the quiet infirmary. "I would appreciate it if you could Kip. I don't know many people here and I will need someone to show me around and tell me what is what?"

His young face lit up from within. "You need me to- it would be my pleasure your majesty." He went back to the title so quickly and I bit back a retort. "I don't know if I'm who your husband would have chosen to be your guide though." He added thoughtfully. "I am not a seasoned warrior or a bodyguard." Doubt flickered into his eyes.

"Let me deal with the king. I'll make him understand. There is no one I would prefer to show me around and watch my back."

"Then it would be my honour your majesty-"

I cut him off. "You have to call me Cassie now." I commanded.

"Well I'll try." He cracked the first genuine grin I had seen on his face since we had met. "I promise I won't let you down."

"You won't." I nodded my head. I knew I had just made his day and I knew he would try his best to protect me but that's not the reason I had asked him. He was so young and I didn't want that young body broken in the war to come.

He might think he would be able to protect me but in reality I had just given him my silent promise that I would protect him.