Chapter 188

Cassie

No, no, no.

The words screamed through my mind even as huge raspy screams erupted from my throat. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't.

"Cassie."

My screams died in my throat , as I struggled to get away from the man standing in the doorway with his mouth open and a shocked look on his face.

My movements were jerky, my balance completely off. I tumbled from the hospital bed to land on my ass with a thump. Wires and iv lines tore from my skin. Machines toppled over to surround me in shrieking machinery.

I scuttled backwards on my ass, pushing with my weak legs until I couldn't go any further and I was wedged into a corner and the entire time I didn't take my eyes from him.

Julian.

My husband stood alive and well. His handsome face was so familiar to me but at the same time he had changed. There was a speckling of grey at his temples now. More lines around his eyes but his face was still as ruggedly handsome as I remembered.

But he couldn't be here. He was dead. I had seen him die. I'd tried and failed to save him and his hearts blood had bubbled up between my fingers.

Julian was dead but he was standing right in front of me.

How was that possible?

This was a dream. It had to be.

Wake up.

That's what the voice had kept saying.

"Doctor what is wrong with her?" He took another step into the room, and then stopped as I hid my face away from him.

I didn't want to see my dead mate. If this was a death dream then the goddess was cruel indeed to show me him. If I was to see him again then I wanted it to be a happy reunion in the afterlife.

I wanted it to be forever. I didn't want this Julian. This angry hard faced man , so like the Julian I had first married.

"I think she is just in shock." The doctor crouched down in front of me. Right in front of me so she hid my view of him.

Slowly she closed her hands around my wrists and tried to pull my hands down where they covered my face.

"Cassie." She said softly. "You're highness you're safe I promise you.  Just take a deep breath. It will help settle your heartbeat."

I tried to do what she asked but it was impossible.

"That's it. Just in and out. Your husband is just here to check on you. You remember Julian right. You remember him? Or are things a little fuzzy?"

Everything was fuzzy. I didn't know what was reality or a death dream.

I shook my head, my lank hair whipping back and forth across my face. I peeked at his face thought my fingers. Why did he look the same but so different?

"Maybe you should step out."

"Not a chance until I know she's ok. I just need to make sure she's ok and then I'll go and get the boys."

I dropped my hands to my lap and stared at him. "Niall and Noah."

A look of surprise flickered across Julian's face. His eyes darted to the doctors. "You told her their names?"

She shook her head. "No, they were the first thing she asked for. She already knew what you named them. If I had to guess I would say she heard. Some people in comas come out having heard everything that was discussed around them." She said softly. "I've never heard anything from someone who was gone at long as Cassie but I guess a mothers love-"

"I want to see my boys." I croaked. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.

Inching closer Julian crouched down. Bringing up almost level. I stared into his eyes for a second and then looked away. It was too intense looking into his eyes. The eyes of a ghost.

"I'll go and get them. So you can see them." He said softly. "They will be excited to meet you."

"Not for long though your highness. She needs rest and-"

"We won't stay long." He snapped. "But she wants to see them and they are going to be excited to meet her." He turned his eye to me with a smile. "You're doing so well Cassie, and I'm so happy to see you awake and talking. Do you remember what happened?"

Mutely I nodded. Of course I remembered. I had taken my own life to be with him. And by doing so I had left my babies behind.

"I died." I whispered. "I left my babies behind and died," I took a deep breath and then let it out in a steady stream. "But they were fine. They were looked after and protected. People thought I was crazy because I could hear them crying when they weren't with me."

They exchanged a startled look. A look passing between them that I didn't understand.

"Please may I see my babies." I whispered. "Just for a second to say goodbye?"

"Goodbye?" Julian's dark eyebrows shot down. "Why would you say goodbye now we have you back?" He seemed genuinely confused and truthfully so was I.

I blinked slowly. Cocking my head to the side. "Because I'm dead." I said in a flat voice.

"You're not dead Cassie." The doctor gave a nervous chuckle. "We lost you for a few minutes but your vitals are good now. Some rest, and with a little time you can go home to your family and start to heal."

"But-"

Julian reached for my hand. His fingers entwined with mine. "You're not dead Cassie. You are right here. Finally back where you belong. You aren't dead." He said again more firmly. "You're just confused and tired."

I snatched my hand back. Even though his fingers were warm I didn't want to touch a ghost. Not even one that looked and sounded like him.

"I am dead." I snapped and my eyes flashed. "I took my own life because." All eyes turned to me in shock. "Because you were dead as well."

189

Julian

"She has gone mad." Pacing up and down the hospital hallway , I kept throwing pained glances at Cassie's hospital door. Everything was quiet in there now, so I hoped she was resting. She needed to and when she woke back up hopefully she had her wits about her again because right now she was acting like a crazy person.

"I don't think it's that at all." The doctor watched as I continued to pace. Her lined face drawn down in what desperately tried to be a neutral expression.

Spinning on my heel I stared at her. "She thinks I'm dead." I pointed at her. My voice shook with anger. "Acting like she is seeing a ghost is crazy. Talking about things that aren't there and have never been there." I dropped my hand to my side and clenched my fingers into a fist. "She is acting nuts."

"She is confused. I won't disagree with you on that your highness." The woman said in a quiet voice. "She was asleep for a long time and from I can gather she dreamt."

"She was dreaming I was dead?" I muttered. "Well that's just fantastic."

The doctor, pushing the top end of middle aged rolled her eyes like a teenager. "She built a fantasy world around her. One where you clearly loved each other because when you died she took her own life." A frown pinched her eyebrows together. "In her dream anyway." She added quickly. "What she needs is a little patience and understanding. You will need to gently remind her of your life together before all of this happened."

My frown deepened. With a groan I fell into one of the spindly plastic chairs that lined the sterile hallway and dropped my head to my hands.

Remind my wife of all the good times we had together? That was easier said than done because we hadn't really had any. I hadn't been a good husband , not even in the slightest. In fact I had hated and tormented her. Called her slut and many more horrible things. It was only after her accident, that I had started to realise that I might have been wrong. Only she wouldn't wake up for me to tell her that and make amends. And the stayed unconscious, even as her body swelled with the boys she didn't wake up.

Even when they were born, and I had realised after the paternity test results had come through and begged her to wake up , she hadn't.

I had messed up so badly and everyone around me knew it.

Only I'd never gotten the chance to make it up to her because she hadn't be awake.  Cassie was awake now and I didn't know how to go forward. What was a man to say to a woman who had just woken up from a coma?

I couldn't blurt out that I was in love with her because after all of these years of marriage I didn't know if I did love her. We hadn't gotten the chance to find out.

Slowly I lifted my head to stare at the doctor who quickly averted her eyes. Blowing out a breath I straightened my shoulders.

"I can try." I said finally. My voice flat. "I don't know about good memories, but we can maybe start with building new ones." With a groan I pushed myself to my feet.

That's all I could do now, try to prove myself to her. Try to rebuild a life that we could have had.

Fate had given me a rare second chance and I wasn't about to ruin it. My boys deserved to know their mother and I deserved to know if my wife was my mate.

It was strange to me that the first time I had felt the bond niggle at me was when I had seen her in the hospital bed. Wired up with a breathing tube down her throat. I was injured myself when they brought her in. But seeing her like that I had been beside myself.

Why did I only realise she might be the one when she was on deaths door?

Something caught my attention. The slightest sound of a door opening and three sets of feet approaching from the stairs at the end of the hallway. Their scent hit me next. Play doh and strawberry milk.

"Is she going to be ok with seeing them like this?" I asked the doctor in a quiet voice as the sound of running footsteps got louder. I needed to know how to progress without making Cassie's madness worse.

"Honestly Julian." She forgot my honourific but I didn't reprimand her. She had been Cassie's doctor for so long now that we were on a first name basis.

"Honestly I don't know. We will just have take things slow. In her dreams they are still babies and she's only been apart from them for a few weeks at most." She turned as the double doors at the end of the hallway burst open. Rebounding against the walls.

"This is going to be her first meeting with her children but you have to remember in her mind it's not. She loves these boys more than anything but we need to go slow."

I didn't know what go slow meant in medical terms but I didn't have any chance to find out as my sons barrelled towards me. Their chubby cheeks flushed pinks and the ties of their little school uniforms at half mast.

"Papa." They called out in unison. Their young voices excited. They were always excited to see me and I was always excited to see them. They were the only things that kept me strong enough to keep going over the last five years since Cassie's accident.

Crouching down  on the balls of my feet, I opened my arms wide to welcome them. "Hey boys, how was school?"

Noah stuck out his tongue, just like he always did but Niall answered. "School was fun, we painted dinosaurs."

Chuckling, I touched the green smudge of paint on his white shirt. "I can see that little man. I can't wait to see them but I have a surprise for you. A real big one but we have to -"

"I've already told them to be on their best behavior." A woman's voice spoke out from along the long corridor and my head lifted sharply.

"Where is Miranda?"

"Oh I thought it should be me who came and brought them. I am the royal doctor now after all and if the queen is awake then I want to make sure she is getting the best care possible." Megan said with a smile.