Chapter 92

***Kenya.***

***Seven Years Earlier***

***14******th*** ***March***

***Dear Diary,***

***As a little girl, I used to dream of my wedding.***

***I used to say I would get married to a handsome ballet dancer. Have lots of dancing children. I grew up and became a teenager, my dreams changed.***

***I started fantasizing about marrying a surgeon. I wanted to admire my husband as he constantly saved lives. While I danced to give others happiness. Much like we will be saving lives together.***

***Now as a 16-year-old in 11******th*** ***grade, I don't think I have such thoughts anymore. To me marriage is just a dream for beautiful girls. Perfect girls with perfect shapes. Their limbs all in perfect symmetry. No hiccups.***

***Yet I can't seem to put away the desire of someday meeting my knight in shining armor. My Lancelot or King Arthur. Am not picky. I just wish that some guy someday, would look at me and truly see me and not this dastard limp.***

I looked up from my pink colored Rhine stoned diary, staring at the other students clustered around.

Barely anyone noticed me during lunch hour. But I never bothered. I only saw me and my goal to be a perfect dancer someday.

I turned my eyes to my left and caught sight of Alec at the far corner, assessing me again with his intense blue eyes. I flushed, looking away.

He was the most handsome boy on the school's tennis team and I usually stopped myself from drooling over him. The same way I was sure every other girl drooled.

I had no friends. I was invincible to all of them. The limping weirdo. But I didn't care. Mum said I only needed to focus on me and no one else.

I was the elephant in the room, she would say. However sometimes, this elephant was invincible, even to herself.

After school, I took a bus to the library for some homework. The only thing mum and Amanda expected from me was to pass my grades and enter the best college. Get a great job thereafter.

But I wanted to get into the Manhattan School of the Arts so bad. If I did, I would be great.

I had a boring, unenviable life. I only had mum and my sister. I used to beg for friendships. But once I got into middle school, I stopped and

held my dignity.

It was 5:30 Pm before I reached home. Mum was working. She worked as a hospital assistant for a big hospital.

"Hey sparkles." Amanda called, her hair all covered in her bonnet. Fresh from the shower.

"Hey. Where you off to?" I eyed her.

I hung my bag, sat on my bed, watching her. She smiled.

"Work." She sat on our vanity, applying those scented lotions she loved to apply. They made her body all smooth, shining. No blemish on her skin. I envied that.

Her graceful poise. She walked down the streets and every man turned his eyes to her. I loved my sister. Kind, ambitious and loyal. Working endlessly after high school to help me and mum. I couldn't just continue to follow in her wake. I needed to create a life for myself. One that was uniquely me.

"I want to enroll in the Manhattan school of the Arts, Amanda." I was quiet.

Amanda stilled for a second, before she continued applying her lotion. She took off her bonnet, combed out her luxurious kinky curls. She loved holding them in a pair of boxer braids for work night.

"Do you know how expensive that school is?" Amanda asked, calmly. I nodded, even though she couldn't see me from where she sat. "It's a school for rich kids, Ken. And we aren't rich." She turned to me now.

I stared, tears pooling around my eyes at that reminder.

"But that doesn't mean I can't get inI'll work hard and get a scholarship... My grades are great." I wept. My sniffs coming hard as I tried to rein myself in.

She didn't say anything. Just stared. Tears stained her eyes as well.

"I need to be me, Amanda. I can't be you. I don't have boyfriends. I don't have friends... No one wants to be close to me Amanda... When they look at me, they just see this... freak. Do you know how I had to pay a boy to kiss me? Just so I could know what it felt like to be kissed." I sobbed.

Amanda glided to me, holding me in her arms. I broke into sobs. My heart cracking from inside. The pain I felt, the resentment I harbored just seeing myself in the mirror.

"If they don't see you then that's their loss, Ken." Amanda tilted my head back, looking in my eyes. I sniffed, her smile trying to reach somewhere inside me. But I resisted. She couldn't see my suffering.

"I know you sometimes think I have life easy. But I don't. Sometimes I cry, when I think how life would have been if we had a dad or something. But we have us. And that's what matters. We will survive; three of us. And someday, you and I will marry reputable men, who will love us, completely." Amanda smiled. Her tears mirrored mine.

I managed a nod. Then she added, after a smile.

"So, this school of Arts thing; if you get a scholarship, do you think we will be able to navigate around the fees for you?" She held my gaze, waiting for me. I cracked a smile and held her in an affectionate hug.

"I love you Sparkles. Never forget that." Then she rose to her feet, continuing with her dressing.

When she left, I sat down on my desk, smiling. I was going to attend the school. I couldn't even contain my happiness. Pulling out my diary, I started writing a letter.

***"Dear Future Husband,***

***I would wish for you to stay with me forever.***

***xoxo***

***Love,***

***Kenya."***