Chapter 45

A deep aching took hold of my chest after Ethan left the hotel room without saying anything. Feeling both hurt and frustrated, I sat on the side of the bed and stared at the closed door where he had left. Every time I attempted to close the gap between us, he retreated even more. It felt like a gulf.

Even while it was obvious that whatever he was going through was more than he could discuss, accepting it wasn't any simpler. He kept keeping me at a distance even though I had traveled this far to be with him and be his partner in every way.

With a sigh, I took out my phone and looked through my messages, thinking of Margo and Sophie at home. After taking on the Monroe name, my life had drastically changed, and I missed Willow Creek's simplicity as well as my family and friends who had always supported me. However, even that had become more difficult. Since my previous visit, Sophie had become aloof, and I felt bad about how I had handled her. The dramatic change in my life, the wealth, and all the secrecy had caused a rift between us.

I had an idea, and without really thinking about it, I picked up my suitcase and made my way to the door. I needed time to think and clear my thoughts. And maybe getting gifts for Margo and Sophie would help me feel more connected to the life I'd left behind.

I visited little shops and boutiques while meandering through the winding alleyways of Paris, which was teeming with life. In the hopes that it would be a peace offering, I picked out a lovely leather diary for Sophie and a soft, silk scarf for Margo in a color that made me think of home. Perhaps she would see that, in spite of everything that had happened between us, I still treasured our friendship.

A feeling of peace descended upon me as I paid for the things, as though I were reclaiming a tiny aspect of who I was. I felt like I was gradually losing myself while I was with Ethan in this world of secrets and conflict. However, having these little mementos for the people I cared about most helped me remember my identity and origins.

Ethan was there when I got back to the hotel, looking up from his phone with a reserved face.

In a neutral tone, he inquired, "Where did you go?"

"Out," I quickly answered, my annoyance seething beneath the surface. I displayed the bag containing the presents. "I wanted to buy a few gifts for Sophie and Margo."

He seemed to have something to say, but he simply nodded and put his phone back in his pocket. Between us, there was a heavy, awkward quiet.

I said, "Ethan," in a quiet but forceful voice. "This isn't working."

A glimmer of surprise appeared in his eyes as he looked up. "What do you mean?"

I struggled to maintain a steady voice as I said, "I can't keep doing this. When you're ignoring me, I can't keep acting like everything is alright. You continue to keep secrets and vanish. It seems as though you keep building this wall between us whenever I attempt to tear it down."

He started to reply, but I interrupted him by raising a hand.

With a little break in my voice, I declared, "I'm returning to the United States. I have an early flight tomorrow."

Ethan's expression tensed, but he remained silent. He simply nodded while averting his gaze and tightening his jaw. We were in a deafening stillness, but I was unable to articulate anything more. Having to battle for something that seemed to be vanishing every day had worn me out.

I turned and went to the restroom to pack without saying anything else, leaving Ethan to think whatever was on his mind.

We had an awkward ride to the airport the next morning, both of us too preoccupied with our own concerns to engage in small talk. I took a seat when we took off and gazed out the window as we rose into the clouds and the city of Paris vanished beneath us.

Ethan sat next to me, pensive and quiet. I occasionally saw him look at me as though he wanted to say something, but he never did. There was a part of me that hoped he would, that he would defend what we had. The other side of me, however, realized that this was necessary. We had to stop acting as though nothing was wrong and carry on in this manner.

I was numb by the time we touched down in New York. After a difficult farewell at the airport, I left Ethan and the complicated mess of our relationship behind and headed to Willow Creek.

I felt at ease when I returned to Willow Creek and saw the familiar features of my hometown. But as soon as I considered meeting Sophie, that calm was swiftly replaced with a stab of dread. I hadn't been there for her or given her the companionship she deserved because I had been so preoccupied with myself. I was also aware of her pain.

I headed to her house with my gifts in hand, thinking that perhaps this would be a first step toward our relationship being better.

Sophie stared at me with a guarded expression as she answered the door. "Emily," she said in a calm tone.

"Sophie," I answered, struggling to find the perfect words while my heart raced. "I acknowledge my error. I haven't been there for you as much as I should have, and I've been... distant. However, now that I'm here, I want to make things right."

She crossed her arms, her gaze unyielding. "You just walked out, Emily. You left me and Willow Creek, and when you returned, you were completely different. I hardly recognize you anymore."

Her remarks were like a kick to the stomach, but I made myself remain composed. "I know, and I'm sorry. It has been... difficult."

"Difficult?" She laughed. "Emily, I was your best friend. And now? I have no idea what's happening in your life. Of all people, you're in New York with Ethan Monroe. And when you're here, you're... different."

I felt the weight of her words settle in as I swallowed hard. "I understand. Lately, I haven't been myself and have been coping with inexplicable issues. That isn't an excuse, though. You're correct. I ought to have supported you."

Sophie's countenance softened somewhat as she averted her gaze. "I simply... I simply miss Em, my best friend. I miss the person who would laugh with me at the little things and who would tell me everything. You seem to have changed into someone else."

I fought back the tears that threatened to fall as I inhaled deeply. "Soph, I also miss that person. And I'd like to be that person once more. I'm trying, I swear. However, I need your patience with me."

After a period of silence, Sophie sighed. "All right. But I need you to show me that you're still in this friendship, Em. I can't wait for you to return each time you lose yourself in your own world."

With a wave of relief, I nodded. "Yes, I will. I swear."